we're turning circles, baby. 
we're never satisfied.
we fall from grace, forget we can fly, but through all the tears we cry, we survive.
because when we're torn apart, shattered and scared, love has the grace to save us.
we're just tarnished hearts, but in each other's eyes we become saints and angels.
-----

II have realized that I am a very odd person.

[Cue mighty cry: "...You only JUST realized?!"]

But I am a DOUBLY odd person because I just caught myself opening the mug drawer to get one of t hose pretty coloured Ikea cups, and I found mysellf thinking to myself,

"I will only drink from either the dark red cup or the dark green cup, because dark red looks like blood and dark green looks elfy and they both are safe, warm colours and I will be safe and warm if I drink from them."

I mean. Who even CARES about the colours of their cups, besides apparently me?
(And I even get a little thrill whenever I get the dark green cup at dinnertime! Omg Cara, get a life!!!)

Also, I have realized that whenever I make grilled cheese sandwiches/fruit salads/etc, I only ever eat them from the dark blue or dark red plates, because (or so I reason with myself) the neon coloured plates are unsafe and not nice and therefore cannot be eaten from.
WHAT is with that?

Okay, I'm starting to freak me out now.

Uh huh anyway. Moving on.
Training! I did a T1, since Gill wasn't there.
And I was scared, at first! I mean, like. I was afraid that I''d pull and pull and still not get anywhere, or something.
BUT. We did sprints, and even if I do say so myself, today's training has given me a little high, because I know that I really pushed myself today and if I'm willing to improve (which I so am) I will go even further.
I made sure that I was on par with Becky & Jinnie's T2, and I just rowwwwwwed.
I could feel my glide- and it felt awesome. Which is a confidence booster for me, and I WILL do my best in the K2 tomorrow, I WILL!

Plus. I almost tipped over watching the T1 guys do their sprints. ...I mean, like. Even in the bulkiest of all the crafts, they just glided. (Glode? Glade? Garg. Literary analysis essay is draining my brain cells.)
Honestly, they just flew.
And if you just looked at their boats, it'd look like the easiest, most free, most liberating, most natural thing in the world to do-- just to skim across the surface the way they did.
...But we know better.
We know the pain and the anguish and the sheer driving force that is needed to send those boats flying over the water-- and how every stroke hurts (God, it hurts)...and just looking at the flight of those crafts, an outsider would never guess how much pain goes into making those boats fly.

The K seniors are an inspiration, too.
I mean- the look on every face when they sprint- it's amazing. You can see all the pain (bare, unconcealed, unleashed) etched on every line of their face, and their crafts barely skim the surface of the churning water.
It's dangerous, that kind of power.
It's terrifying explosive breathtaking, and I' know I''m rambling here, but I mean what I say.

It's amazing, really it is-- how nobody would be able to guess how much pain
goes into styling that kind of perfection
(powerful to the point of sheer delicacy)

I want to be like that, one day.

I want to get to the level where I can say,

"I laugh in the face of pain,"

It's not going to be easy, but I''ll be damned if I don't put up a fight to get where I want to go.
Even if it takes me helluva long time.

And Life isn't getting any easier.
Sometimes I'm afraid my problems'll just fall on me and crush me.
One clean fall. And then zip. Nada. Zilchohhhhh.

But Pain, make me better;
Life, make me wiser;
Love, make me brighter;
and Jesus, keep me strong.

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

<3